In the grips of a hurricane

I have to tell you about an experience I had a couple of days ago...

There was a man walking in front of me down the street, he tried talking to a woman who passed him.

She acknowledged his presence for a split second then continued on her way.

From the way the man was dressed, and by his outward appearance,

my immediate trust level was not extremely high. 

I had my ipod on and attempted to pass the man without any interaction. 

He hesitantly looked over at me and said hello. 

I smiled and kept walking, he looked like he wanted to engage in further conversation.

I took out one of my earbuds and asked him how he was doing. 

He smiled and said just fine, then asked if I knew anything about the news on North Korea (it was the same day the headlines were rolling with news on tension between the North and South) 

I turned my ipod off and explained the details I had picked up throughout the day while we walked together for quite a while discussing our fears about potential conflict and hopes for peace. 

When we had to separate, he looked at me. Smiled. And said "don't be scared now" and gave a friendly wave as he walked off. 

I've had time to reflect on this moment and recognize the entire interaction as one that challenged my understanding of myself and helped me grow as a person. When I think about how I relate with other people, trust comes up quite a bit. Stereotypes, so deeply ingrained in me and others, shape our relationships and connections with strangers. 

I prematurely judged this man. A mistake I've made in the past and will make in the future. I take this experience as one to show me, once again, that people are so much more than what appears on the surface. This man's last comment about not being afraid, it put my fears to rest. That may seem silly, but in our five minute conversation we developed a bond of mutual respect and trust. 

Talk to strangers. If, out of fear, you don't...think about how many amazing individuals will walk in and out of your life without even receiving the warmth of your smile. And think about how many beautiful faces you'll never get to appreciate. Open those doors, break down the walls that prevent you from connecting with the world and the people around you on a deeper level. 

Thanksgiving

I love Thanksgiving, I do.

I think it's a good time to do something we should be doing every single day of our lives--acknowledging the things we're grateful for.

What I don't like, is the way we are taught to think about the holiday. We're brought up to whole- heartedly believe that the pilgrims invited "the indians" to their dinner table and they all shared in this wonderful feast of turkey, potatoes, and stuffing together and in peace. (note-many of the foods we currently eat on thanksgiving-rice and sweet potatoes in particular-came to America from Africa during the 18th Century with enslaved people). 

With this view of history, we are allowed to ignore the truth. We celebrate and give thanks, but the holiday is actually a very sad reflection of a greater societal issue. Why do we learn about "the pilgrims" and "the indians" and never have to learn the name of the Wampanoag tribe? What exactly are we giving thanks for in the traditional sense?...is it the systematic extermination of indigenous peoples that characterized the colonial period and made land available to Europeans?

Why do we celebrate a false history of friendship and mutual respect? Because it's easier perhaps? Yes, it's far easier to teach white children that their ancestors came to America and made friends with the native people rather than explaining genocide, smallpox, and hostility. 

It may be easier that way. But that is no excuse for erasing the true history of America. We have to be careful about the way we celebrate this holiday. Instead of making it about the "shared feast between the pilgrims and the indians,"let's make it about recognizing the terrible injustice that defines our true past. Let's make it about sitting in our privilege and understanding our history from a non-white perspective while making a commitment that it will never ever repeat itself. 

Let's also not ignore the strength in cultural traditions; give thanks for the things in your life that make you happy.

I am thankful for my family, my roommates, my co-workers, my friends, good books and the sight to read them with, music and the ability to hear it, love, the support I receive from the people in my life, my job, the opportunity to attend a University, and so much more. 

Love One Another

"We were given a world so beautiful

A deep ocean, a blue-blue sky

I know we can make it a better place 

If only you and I

Love one another

Sisters and brothers

Love one another

Love one another

Father and mother

Love one another"

Sometimes I forget that we only live once. I also forget that life is happening as I make plans for the future. Every single day is shaping who I am and every experience brings its own message. This week, I've really connected with the lessons that were brought to me and wanted to share. 

Be yourself. If any one has a problem with the person that you are, that's their problem, not yours. The first step in finding happiness and peace with the world is to truly love yourself for everything that you are and are not. I can't dance, but guess what, I sure had a fun time performing in a drag show last night. My dance moves may not have been awesome by other people's standards, but for me, they were fantastic. 

Society always tells us the "right" way to do things. Whether that be how to dance appropriately, how to present your gender, who you're allowed to love, what to say and what not to say...why do we take these demands so seriously?? We're socialized vertically and horizontally to comply with norms and rules to such a degree that we can't even be ourselves. My challenge to every one out there is to say "screw you society, here I AM...deal with it." 

Love and Acceptance-of yourself and others. that's it. We're brought up to think that people who are different are bad. But the only reason we're taught this is because people fear what they don't understand. That same fear blocks any motivation TO understand, and we get trapped in a cycle of prejudice and misunderstanding which lead to intolerance and hate. 

To combat this, LEARN. Be aware. Listen to people. Try to understand other people's life experiences. If you do, I guarantee that you'll find out how similar they are to you. 

We're all connected in the fact that we're living. We're in the world. We're struggling to find meaning. a purpose. love. a spiritual connection with something greater. We're all battling the hardships of life and celebrating the accomplishments. 

We really were given a beautiful world. Every individual person is beautiful. Open your heart and let in the beauty presented to you every day. 

Love One Another. Make the World a Better Place for Everyone With Your Love. We Can Do It Together.

~This woman's outfit says "Intolerance Kills. I want to Live." She's wearing it at the start of a gay pride parade in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil where a 19 year old boy would later be shot by men in military uniforms.~

slam slam oh hot damn.

You know what I realized today? Over the past threeish months, I've lost my faith in the motto that had dictated my life since the beginning of freshman year. It's the namesake of this blog and comes from one of my favorite songs, it has helped me through rough times and laid out a path for me when I didn't know which direction to take. 

What's meant to be will always find a way. 

Of late, I think I've been overly focused on making the "right" decisions, or feeling the "right" way about something or someone. I've been forcing myself in a certain direction in hopes of obtaining a specific outcome from my current actions. In so doing, I've ignored (or..tried to ignore) my true thoughts and feelings about stuff. I don't like living this way.

I like putting my full faith in this optimistic mantra. We can't stress out about life. Everything that happens, has a reason. Every path we take, every choice we make, every interaction..starts a chain reaction (ha! that's a song too...) and leads us to the point we're supposed to reach. I know this is an extremely individualistic way to think about the world and is also rooted in a lot of privilege; it ignores institutional structures that shape our life experiences. But for once, I don't care. 

It's my life. And it's now or never, I ain't gonna live forever. I just wanna live while I'm alive. (another song..gosh, what's up brain??) 

What's meant to be. Will always find a way. I choose to believe in these words. When I stop believing in them, the world seems so dark and meaningless. When things get scary. When you don't know what to do. When you think you've made the wrong decision. When you love someone and don't know if they feel the same way. When you struggle with exams or have a bad week. Remember that tomorrow's just another day and all that you can do, is your best. What's meant to be...yeah, it'll find its way. 

thoughts..

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that" ~Dr. King

Today's been an interesting day. My ideas about white privilege have been challenged and I'm not exactly sure how to handle everything. It's frustrating when you try to make change and address a very real problem only to face backlash from people you should be collaborating with.

The most frustrating thing about it is that they're right. It's so easy to ignore legitimate feelings and issues when they contrast with your sense of purpose. We see the world through our own lens, and an extremely narrow one at that.

Anger is such a powerful force.

I beleive that it can be a productive one. But it has to be channeled in the right way, or else it will always be destructive. Anger fuels hate. And the only way to combat both is through love. I think. I think Dr. King is right about love being able to drive out hate. I hope Dr. King is right.

Closer to Fine

I found my new personal anthem. Well actually, almost every song by the Indigo Girls speaks to me in some way or another, but this one constantly connects with me. 

"I'm trying to tell you something about my life

Maybe give me insight between black and white

And the best thing you've ever done for me

Is to help me take my life less seriously

It's only life after all

Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable

And lightness has a call that's hard to hear

I wrap my fear around me like a blanket

I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it

I'm crawling on your shores

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains

I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains

There's more than one answer to these questions

Pointing me in a crooked line

And the less I seek my source for some definitive

(The less I seek my source)

The closer I am to fine

The closer I am to fine"

I think I love them so much because of how personal their music is. Whether I'm struggling with my own identity, my relationship with others, school, or anything else, I find peace in this song. 

Monday, November 1st.

I've been listening to a lot of country music lately. One Way Ticket by Leann Rimes:


"I'm gonna go out dancing in the pouring rain
and talk to someone I don't know (because I can)
I will face the world around me
knowing that I'm strong enough to let you go
And I will fall in LOVE again
because I can.

Gonna climb the mountain
and look the eagle in the eye
I won't let FEAR clip my wings and tell me how high I can FLY"

I'm taking today as a moment for reflection and life evaluation. It's the first of the month and a new week, 2010 is coming to a close and it's time to change the things that I've let slide.

I find myself facing the world with strength. I don't let things get to me and I hardly ever let myself be vulnerable. I think these can be good qualities, but I also have a strong feeling that the barriers I've developed prevent me from connecting with people on a level deeper than the surface.

I'm always afraid of opening up and then being rejected. I don't let my heart stray. Those emotional walls should come down, or at least be lowered. I find myself feeling deeply about people but pushing away those feelings..and those people. I love the song lyrics I posted above, but..

..I'm starting to have a problem with the whole concept of being "strong enough" to let go. For many people, those in abusive relationships in particular, being strong and moving on is obviously extremely important. But as it relates to my current life, I'm sick of always having to tell myself, "move on, let go, it's not going to work out."

Moving on is good. And I do love change. I also love one way tickets, independence, and strength. However, I'm currently in a place where I want to develop a sense of interdependence.


This month is going to be one that sees me step away from my usual journey of focusing on the self. I want to focus on my relationships with other people and strengthen those bonds that I've been somewhat neglecting.