Monday, November 1st.

I've been listening to a lot of country music lately. One Way Ticket by Leann Rimes:


"I'm gonna go out dancing in the pouring rain
and talk to someone I don't know (because I can)
I will face the world around me
knowing that I'm strong enough to let you go
And I will fall in LOVE again
because I can.

Gonna climb the mountain
and look the eagle in the eye
I won't let FEAR clip my wings and tell me how high I can FLY"

I'm taking today as a moment for reflection and life evaluation. It's the first of the month and a new week, 2010 is coming to a close and it's time to change the things that I've let slide.

I find myself facing the world with strength. I don't let things get to me and I hardly ever let myself be vulnerable. I think these can be good qualities, but I also have a strong feeling that the barriers I've developed prevent me from connecting with people on a level deeper than the surface.

I'm always afraid of opening up and then being rejected. I don't let my heart stray. Those emotional walls should come down, or at least be lowered. I find myself feeling deeply about people but pushing away those feelings..and those people. I love the song lyrics I posted above, but..

..I'm starting to have a problem with the whole concept of being "strong enough" to let go. For many people, those in abusive relationships in particular, being strong and moving on is obviously extremely important. But as it relates to my current life, I'm sick of always having to tell myself, "move on, let go, it's not going to work out."

Moving on is good. And I do love change. I also love one way tickets, independence, and strength. However, I'm currently in a place where I want to develop a sense of interdependence.


This month is going to be one that sees me step away from my usual journey of focusing on the self. I want to focus on my relationships with other people and strengthen those bonds that I've been somewhat neglecting.