"The more I see of man, the more I like dogs."

Sometimes they stink, eat your stuff or are just plain annoying. No, I'm not talking about children. I refer to the animals of the world that we regard as our friends. Even though I consider myself anti-animal captivity, I truly love pets. My cat is laying here on my stomach, not asking anything of me accept a reassuring scratch behind the ears every few minutes; I keep thinking about how awesome it is to have a bond with such a beautiful little creature. They don't judge you when you have a bad day or make a stupid decision. They don't care how much money you have, what kind of clothes you wear, whether or not you can sing well, or how much you weigh. If you give them love, you'll get it in return. Unconditional, constant, and pure love.

Some people say that pets only love us because we feed them, I don't think that is any more true than saying that the sun is blue. I haven't been home for a month, therefore I have not been the hand that feeds my two gorgeous cats in quite a while. Despite this, Sassy has slept on my stomach every night this week, purring and not even attempting to run away when I try to push her off. I feel her heart beating as she slowly falls asleep and am repeatedly amazed at the level of trust she has in me.



I think that we get pets to take care of, but in the end, they are the ones who take care of us.

Oh the Holidays.

If there is one time of year that always makes me feel like a good person inside, Christmas is definitely not that time. The end of December always prompts me to run an audit of the past year and considering the fact that being home means sleeping fewer hours, eating less healthily, reading less, and all but eliminating a solid workout schedule...my "audit" usually falls short of a smashingly successful year.

Last year around New Years I made a poster of all my ambitions, goals, hopes, and dreams for 2009. Looking at it last night, I was surprised to find that 2009 was actually one of the best years for me. Thinking about where I was at Christmas in 2008, and then comparing that to right now, I feel confident in saying that the past year has seen me grow as an individual and surely for the better. I have a sense of balance in my life and feel very centered.

The reasons for this are numerous. Starting college opened my eyes to new freedoms and independence; I've come to understand my values and learn how I want to run my life. I've enjoyed my studies and become more confident in my convictions while opening my mind to different ways of thinking. I've met a ton of new people, a few of whom will always hold a special place in my heart and memory. I've come to learn that life must be lived day by day. And even though this blog is supposed to be me evaluating and trying to find 'the meaning of life', I believe I already know the answer. It's different for every person on the planet and for me, it's happiness and connections with other people. I center my life around these things and therefore they are the meaning (for me).

My first paragraph may have been a bit misleading seeing that the direction of this post was more positive. However there were a few things that I failed to accomplish in the past year. A sense of adventure is important to me, I have yet to skydive and I chickened out when it came to surfing in California over the summer. I easily let fears interrupt my best intentions. So once again I will look forward and say 2010 is my year for adventure.

Celebrate Youth

It has been brought to my attention by a dashing young lad that my last post was in defiance of a New Year's Resolution that I've made. My resolution is to be perfectly imperfect and let myself be open to the world; in other words-- be vulnerable, exploit the risk and expose myself...in metaphorical terms of course. After being told this, I realized that we can't hide behind walls. No matter how pretty and strong they might be, they prevent those connections from being made that help us build our puzzle. So as the title suggests, I am trying to shift my negative view of relationships into a more positive one; one in which they provide a way to celebrate youth and make a strong connection that will help us grow as individuals.

It's really late and I just got done with a death defying 7 hour car ride through a blizzard, to accommodate my terrible sense of humor and passionate love affair with 80's music while somewhat (not really...) working out my thoughts on the subject of life I have prepared the following paragraph...(are you ready for this?):

At certain moments, you have to break those chains that bind you and shout to the world "hit me with your best shot". We're not forever young and at one point you'll realize that the best of all your years have gone by. When that time comes, you'll feel like a beauty queen from a movie scene driving down the highway to hell with two tickets to paradise by the dashboard light (umm...what?). We get caught up in the heat of the moment and then find out in the end that it's always the same old song and dance. You'll ask yourself "what kind of fool am I?" and just want to go your own way. But before that happens, you'll know that although every rose has its thorn, you've been lovin' every minute of it and it's just been some sweet emotion. When you have somebody to love it doesn't make a difference if you make it or not because you've got each other and that's a lot. So remember: don't stop believin', live life with open arms, and don't forget to kick off your Sunday shoes every now and then.

I'm sorry. If you can cut through the lameness, I really was trying to highlight a mildly related point. Time flies and if we don't stop to smell the coffee, well then we'll just find ourselves old and constantly missing the good old days. Take risks now and worry about the consequences later.

I'm diving in.

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."

Nice quote huh? I thought so. Last night I had a good talk with my neighbor (see post below) and today I had a very open and honest conversation with a friend, a conversation of which I would like to write.

My friend, we'll call him Dominic, and I talked primarily about relationships. After the last post, I was intrigued by his thoughts on the subject. Dominic and his boyfriend Blaine have been seeing each other for a couple months and have of late experienced some turmoil. You see, Blaine is very emotional and strongly believes that relationships are the core of life (hence my connection to this particular blog). Having a romantic connection is vital to his being. Dominic on the other hand, values friendship and puts less weight in that crazy little thing called love.

Our conversation got me to thinking...as usual. After allowing our words to tumble around in the washing machine that is my brain, I have concluded that friendship is more important than love. Award winning actor, Carl Reiner, agrees. He says that "Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important." How true is that!? I mean relationships seem ridiculous if they're founded on the modern interpretation of love. In our talk, Dominic and I agreed that most people are not emotionally prepared for relationships until they are fully aware and comfortable with themselves. There will always be a level of emotional inequality between two people, which sometimes manifests itself into one partner feeling inadequate or inferior. This is starting to kill my romantic vision of love, in a good humor sort of way.

To be honest, I greatly fear relationships. I'm sure I could identify the root cause of this, but I'd rather not go into that at the moment. It's hard to describe, but basically I always know what my brain is thinking and what action I want to take...you can never know that of other people. So every time you let yourself trust someone completely, as required by healthy relationships, you put yourself at risk. Now, I'm not one to shy away from risk-except in this case it seems. They just scare me.

BUT...okay I have to defend my initial quote now after all that negativity and blah blah blah. Perhaps the appeal of relationships is that they do provide each individual with the "charming gardener" to make them happy. hmm, here's this happiness thing again. If, at the end of the day, you have someone who makes you love life, well then maybe you've discovered its meaning. We may be getting somewhere here.

Ps. Throughout this post, lovey country songs keep coming on. Maintaining a pessimistic view of love is rather difficult with Keith Urban's "Somebody like You" playing in the background... quite loudly I might add.

Putting it together.

I really like the word "connections", all that it implies-a link or an association. I was just conversing with my intelligent-beyond-her-years neighbor and she gave me the idea for part two of my analysis. After writing earlier about individual happiness and how the answer to life's meaning is finding joy, I found what my neighbor-we'll call her Wise-had to say quite intriguing.

"It's not about you." Wise has traveled around the world and met people from an uncountable number of backgrounds; this is the most important thing she has learned through her experiences. What if that's the key? My life isn't about me, it's about the people I meet and the bonds I make. Every person we encounter is like a small piece making up a ginormous puzzle that will become our life once complete. Everyday, a little more of it is finished. You know how when you put together a puzzle, you start with the outer rim to get a foundation? Perhaps the most lasting and important relationships are this outer rim. Everyone else fits somewhere on the inside, every encounter making the puzzle a bit more complete.

It's an interesting idea isn't it? After all your connections have been made, you have a puzzle that's just you. All the individual faces of your friends, family, enemies, acquaintances, loves, co-workers, etc make up one big face that is you. Okay, that's a bit abstract...but do you see what I'm saying? It goes along nicely with the theory that everything happens for a reason; we are deliberately placed in circumstances that will help us finish our life puzzle and meet the "pieces". hmmm. something to think about.

Definitely a fan of this idea.

The Quest

I started this blog in August in hopes of spicing up my life and sharing new adventures that I planned to go on. Needless to say, that didn't work out so well. Between entering college and studying for classes, my daily routine was an adventure in itself but surely not one to write about unless my goal was to put people to sleep.

In the four months since classes began, I have discovered countless things about myself and the world. My quest (and this is a big one): discover the meaning of life. That's right, 'the meaning'. Sound impossible or cliche? Well it is. But I think I know how to do it.

I plan to analyze the things that could be "the meaning". Starting first with happiness. I am very happy, joyful even. What makes me happy?--->

1. Working out. I have completely and totally fallen in love with jogging. I have always enjoyed it and done it for physical health purposes, but now I do it because I LOVE it. It gives me time to let my mind wander and day dream while still doing something productive.

People always tell me that they hate running because it's boring. Next time you workout, crank up some powerful tunes and just think. Think about the things you like about yourself. Think about a secret crush you have. Think about the future. Anything that makes you feel good inside.

2. The Freakin' Farmer's Market. There is no place better than the Farmer's Market, seriously. Walking through crowds of health conscience people looking at beautiful produce that doesn't have crap loads of chemicals in it. It's a wonderful thing.

3. Music. If I am ever feeling stressed or detached from myself, I put on some music. Nothing better than Tracy Chapman or Natalie Merchant to help you collect your thoughts and find the natural balance of life.

4. Taking naps. Seriously. Naps are like god's way of giving you a hug in the middle of a hectic day. Okay, that might be a bit overstated. But have you ever been working hard and struggling to be productive and then lay down for an hour or so? If not, I highly suggest it. Your cells produce ATP and the fatigue that has grown in your brain throughout the day disappears. It's magical.

5. Healthy food. Fruit, fresh veggies, tea! Oh man, they just make me happy thinking about them. I think the world is so fast paced today, that we don't take time to eat FOOD. We toss down a hamburger or bag of chips on the run. Let me tell you, these "foods" don't contribute to overall happiness. I'll talk about this more later because it's a big topic.

6. Letting loose. My favorite thing to do is hear a great song and just start dancing. It's an amazing way to release tension and feel refreshed. And just for the record, I don't do this in public.

7. Adventures. Having you ever been walking around randomly and come across something beautiful? If you have, then you know why adventures make me happy.

I suppose all of these things could have their own post, which they probably will, but for now I'll leave it at that. Is happiness what life is all about? Obtaining a true sense of joy from everything you do? I'd like to think this is a big part of life, but I don't think we have the answer yet.

For now, I will leave you with this: "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." ~Albert Einstein