Little Too Little, Little Too Late

I walked into a conversation this afternoon about the latest LGBT bullying related suicide. I quickly found out that it was a Minnesota teen who died on Saturday morning. With these basic facts, my mind immediately went on high alert. I grew up in Minnesota, I know plenty of young people who live there. Then the conversation got more specific--it was a boy from Jefferson High School. What? I graduated from Jefferson High School. What if I knew this boy? Passed him in the hallway when he was a freshman? What if his locker was near my old one? Could he have known my favorite teacher? I started to wonder--what does it mean for me to be spending so much of my energy on Stop the Silence, an LGBT anti-bullying campaign, and spending so much of my time planning Break the Silence, Wisconsin, a statewide march addressing homophobia and transphobia, when a young man that I easily could have known took his own life because the level of intolerance that he faced on a daily basis became too much?

Stop the Silence was started in response to a string of LGBTQ suicides that took place in September and October of 2010. We are now passing quickly through January and once again, a boy's body is being buried. His family will never again be able to give him a hug. Friends unable to tell him a funny story or ask for his advice. He will never have the chance to hold his diploma, have dinner with a significant other or pursue his dreams. Lance Lundsten, with his beautiful and welcoming smile, will never be able to see it get better.

After reading the article about his death for myself, I realized that the Jefferson High School this boy went to was not the same as the one I graduated from. Well that's a relief, right? He's not connected to me in any way, not a friend of one of my friends, nor is he the brother of someone in my graduating class. For a split second, those thoughts danced through my brain. I soon realized, however, that his connection to me is far deeper than any high school alumni or six degrees of separation could ever wish to form.

The word "my" becomes shockingly insignificant when thinking about the reasons for this boy's death. Homophobia and transphobia have an extremely powerful effect on communities all around the world, they may play out in unique ways, but one thing remains the same wherever or whoever you are--hatred directed toward a salient aspect of one's identity is always experienced in negative ways. For this boy, and the countless others who saw death as their only escape from a world that is so cold and unable to accept them for who they are, bullying was not a minor part of their day. The people who picked on them, called them names, tripped them in the hallway, and made their lives miserable in countless other ways, may not have seen their actions as anything major. They may have enjoyed causing pain but thought it only temporary and fun. Unfortunately, as this situation and the countless others like it demonstrate, one person's fun can all too easily come at the price of another's life.

I am tired of reading about suicides. I am sick of thinking about the loss of a young person's life because of other people's ignorance. Please stop the silence. Please speak up. It doesn't matter if you identify as LGBT or not. It doesn't matter if you've never experienced bullying in your personal life. Speak up for those whose voices are silenced. Bullying affects each and every one of us because it is the manifestation of hatred. It needs to end.

Think about ways you can make it better. Write your school administrators and tell them why policies need to be put in place that prevent bullying. Stand up for people whenever you feel safe doing so. If you're in Wisconsin, show solidarity with thousands of others by attending Break the Silence, Wisconsin on April 15th. Use facebook and other online networking sites as advocacy tools letting your friends know that you do not support anti-LGBTQ attitudes and behaviors or harassment of any kind. Think about your actions, the words you use, and the messages you send.

Peace be with the friends and family of Lance as well as anyone who must deal with the effects of living in a culture that actively supports homophobia and transphobia. There are so many issues and problems plaguing our world, why does this have to be one of them? Love the people around you for who they are--that's one of the most important things we can all be doing on a daily basis.

I posed the question in my first paragraph asking what this boy's death means for me as one of the founding members of an LGBTQ anti-bullying campaign and primary organizers of Break the Silence, Wisconsin. So what does it mean? It means that our work is more important now than ever before. It means that bullying may have fallen out of the public eye, but the problems clearly persist. And most of all, it reminds me that the sadness associated with this news goes hand in hand with the power and unity that will radiate from the state of Wisconsin on April 15, 2011. There should not be one individual in the world who ever feels like taking their own life is the answer--help us end the fear. Help us remove homophobia and transphobia from their comfortable spot in our culture. Help us stop the silence. 

Building a Mystery

On January 1st 2009, I spent the day creating a collage that symbolically and explicitly laid out exactly the path I wanted to take throughout the new year. It is still hanging on my wall and after two years, still inspires me to find happiness in the only way I know how to--by being as compassionate with myself as I am with the ones I love. 

The last few days of 2009 and early beginning of 2010 found me in a place that at the time, I could not understand. I wanted, perhaps needed, something in my life. Something was missing. I felt lacking in a way that is difficult to describe and the only way I could address it was by making plans to incorporate more free-spirited adventure into my life. For most of January 2010, I wanted nothing more than to pack up my backpack, hop a train to anywhere, and go. My New Year's Resolution was to be honest with myself and with the world while opening my heart to love--I acknowledged my fear of getting close to people and decided to break down that wall in 2010. 

January 1st is my favorite day of any year. It opens the door for reflection, evaluation and change.  Granted, it is merely an arbitrary day on the calendar and any day of the year can open the door to these things if you let it. Yet, I appreciate the demands of the calendar and embrace this time of year as a gift with which I can look at my life from a more detached perspective, through a wider lens, and by doing so, shift the direction of my path if necessary.

Now, I sit here. January 4th 2011. And I struggle to make the adjustments that my journey is calling for. I've been thinking very hard about what I want to bring going into 2011. What baggage I want to carry with and what I want to leave at the door.

For some reason this year, I am having a difficult time letting go of the baggage I want to leave behind. It's clinging to me.

Perhaps the words "baggage" and "clinging" are inappropriate. If I am reluctant to release the things that I'm carrying, then it is quite possible that I have not yet completed my work with them. Perhaps these things do not feel the same pressure of the calendar that I so enjoy. Maybe for them, January 1st means nothing--except that we still have a trip to take together and it will be taken throughout 2011 instead of 2010.

I'm okay with that. Despite the struggle that it has been, I've come up with a few resolutions. They may seem simple, but at this point in my life, they are exactly what I need:

1. Live Openly.
2. Love Completely.
3. Laugh Often.
4. Be Happy.
5. Be Compassionate.

I don't want to play games with the world. I want to realize my oneness with everything around me and to do so, I will work to break through the wall that guards my soul from pain, sadness, true happiness, and love. I've realized that we are all bound together by love, but it's all too easy to close yourself off to this connective energy. I have to learn, or perhaps relearn, that I can be awake to the world, remain acutely aware of its problems, and strive to make positive change while still being happy in my own individual life.

I bring nothing to the world if I let the injustice that plagues society plague my soul and my spirit. It's a hard balance to find, however I truly believe that compassion is what it takes. I cannot judge myself harsher than I do others. I  cannot expect to have all of the answers--I must realize that there is always more than one answer. I will take my life less seriously, it's only life after all (thank you, Indigo Girls). I must accept the constantly changing nature of the universe and embrace the fact that this moment is only one of many that make up my journey. 

For 2011, my challenge to myself is to remain congruent--to recognize the long, winding road ahead while committing myself to the things I'm passionate about right now. To Live in the present with arms and heart wide open. To stop and reflect along the way and to have Fun. 

It'll be great. Just Wait.