First of all, an interesting excerpt from "The Revolution Will Not Be Funded: by Utne Reader :
On nonprofits:
"And what are our priorities? Perhaps the real problem is that we don’t spend enough time imagining what we want and then doing the work to sustain that vision. That is one of the fundamental ways the corporate-capitalist system tames us: by robbing us of our time and flooding us in a sea of bureaucratic red tape, which we are told is a necessary evil for guaranteeing our organization’s existence. We are too busy being told to market ourselves by pimping our communities’ poverty in proposals, selling “results” in reports and accounting for our finances in financial reviews.
In essence, our organizations have become mini-corporations, because on some level, we have internalized the idea that power—the ability to create change—equals money."
Read more: http://www.utne.com/Politics/Revolution-Will-not-be-Funded-Nonprofit-Industrial-Complex.aspx?page=2#ixzz29D1HvVLR
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. People ask "what are you going to do after you graduate?" about 5 times a day. I love the question and the conversation, but my only answer is "anything that doesn't involve paper."
People usually laugh at this...but I'm serious. I don't want to do anything that involves an office or paperwork. Books are great, but papers and board meetings -- no thanks. The troubling thing about this is that most activist-type work these days involves paperwork, fund-raising, and dressing "professionally." There doesn't seem to be a way to help people or the planet without working in an office...so what do I (and presumably the 'we' that feels the same way) do? I wish there was a more hands-on way to help people and a planet in need. I can't stand sitting in meetings to determine what a logo should like when there are a million other things we could be doing -- but the logo helps with visibility, marketing, fundraising, blah blah blah.
On the same note -- there is so much that is wrong in our country and in our world: persistent poverty throughout regions of the U.S that most of us cannot even begin to imagine; structural discrimination that many claim was eliminated in 1964, but violently persists today; ecological devastation via climate change and its drivers like fossil fuel consumption and agribusiness...sadly, the list goes on and on. How can one person -- even one person with untold privilege for being a white, college-educated, suburban-dwelling, U.S citizen -- do any good? How does this person's position in society situate her in regards to the inequality that is largely race/ethnicity-based? Where does power come from if not from the funding associated with non-profits and/or political machines?
All of these questions and worries are floating around in my head tonight as I walk though the UW arboretum. Then, suddenly, a magnificent owl swoops over my head and up to a tall perch at the top of an old tree. The owl reminds me of order and grace. He lives to feed on small creatures and to oversee the forest from the tree tops. The owl reminds me that we each have to work on our own tiny corner of the world if we're ever going to 'make a difference.' I don't really know why an owl would remind me of this...but he did, so just go with it. I guess I just realized that despite all of the terrible unfairness and sadness in the world, we're never going to add any beauty by feeling responsible for all of it. Maybe this is the key: the owl doesn't try to solve all of the forest's problems; in fact, he just eats, poops, and sleeps. Yet, that owl, with his wide wings and questioning round face, sure does add a lot of beauty to the dark woods on a rainy and cold Fall evening.
19.10.12
13.10.12
Changing Blog Title and URL
Well I've decided to try blogging more consistently again. It may not last long...but let's see!
I've just changed the title and background of my blog to better reflect my current state of mind and probable content.
Three things are really influencing my thoughts right now:
1. the election and politics in general
2. a class about birds and kids that I'm currently enjoying
3. Imminent graduation and the feeling of "what now??"
This "new" blog will hopefully replace the posting I've been doing on facebook and allow me to share with all of you the interesting lessons I've been learning in my last semester classes slash life.
15.4.12
Food, People, and Animals
A few minutes ago, I shared this video on facebook and above it wrote: "'It's up to us to seek out the information' There's no longer any excuse for people to be supporting factory farms -- if you eat meat, find out where it's coming from. If your response is "well, it makes me sick to watch those videos and read about it.." Then WHY (HOW?) are you EATING it???"
After posting this and re-reading it, I almost had to delete it. You see, I fully believe what I wrote and I definitely think it's important to raise awareness about factory farming. The problem, though, is that it's not as simple as it should be.
From my privileged (I'm using that word in acknowledgment of the statistical advantage that my physical characteristics and background give me) position as a white, middle class, college-educated, suburban- raised childless person, this is a simple, cut and dry issue. Animals are being treated unethically -- our agricultural system is harmful to the environment, animals, and humans ----> clearly, the answer is to stop supporting industrial ag. So I don't eat meat, I buy organic produce, cage free chicken eggs, and almond milk. And...that's what we should all be doing, right?
I wish I could say and promote this without reservation. But as soon as I re-read my comment, sirens went off in my head and a loud speaker said "Hey wait!!" How are the majority of Americans, already scraping by, sometimes on two or more jobs, supposed to stop supporting this system? How are citizens in communities that can be described as "food deserts" supposed to stop supporting this system? When factory farmed meat and eggs are significantly cheaper than ethically produced food, how in the world are people supposed to stop "supporting" this system?
The thing is, they're not "supporting" a system. The system is failing to support them, to support us.
Grocery shopping takes me forever. I'm on a tight budget and I know a lot about how things are produced. Putting something in my cart is basically a moral decision. Even with a paycheck that makes me feel comfortable most of the time and the position in society that I was fortunate enough to be born into, buying real food is sometimes straining. Now I think about adding kids, higher bills, insurance (maybe, if I'm lucky) and/or an economically disadvantaged identity -- there's no way I could actually change my purchases to reflect my wishes for a better food culture.
My heart is with the chickens, pigs, cows, and veggies that are being reaped of their souls -- or, as Joel Salatin would say, their essences -- but my heart is also with the families and individuals who cannot, even with full knowledge and understanding, afford to stop relying on this system that provides caloric intake and some semblance of nutrition. My facebook comment asked "WHY (HOW?) are you eating it??"...."because I have to," is likely the answer that many would respond with.
The trouble is that we live in a food culture that is entirely congruent with our economic priorities. Some people can choose and afford to eat like Michael Pollen wants them to; others, probably the majority, don't have that privilege. Widespread, healthy changes in food production and consumption will only come when we are ready, as a nation and as a world, to make systemic changes to our economic values. Profit cannot be the motivating factor when it comes to ensuring human well-being. The market will not care for those in need, it will not support the vulnerable -- the market needs guidance, and it needs a soul.
In the end, our food culture is not sustainable. It's not sustainable for animals and plants. It's definitely not sustainable for humans. And worst of all, it's not sustainable for Mother Earth as a whole. Our food culture is directly tied to our economic culture. We can't blame people and we can't rely only on them for change -- we have to evaluate our collective ideas of corporate autonomy, ownership, subsidization, and individualism. Industrial agriculture will "support" us until we stop allowing it to -- but this can only happen if we see it as one part of a complex system, deeply, deeply intertwined with economic disparity, racism, profit-driven motives, and a historical disavowal of stewardship.
11.11.11
Pushing the Needle Too Far
We've all been removed in one way or another.
We don't know our families, we don't need our brothers.
Pushing the needle too far
Pushing the needle too far
If you wake up in the morning, grey dawn,
with a prayer on your breath,
maybe you lost something precious,
god'll save you, from losing yourself.
--Indigo Girls
Do you ever feel like you're acting? Like your actions on the outside are just motions or puppets of an internal source, a genuine being that you know is you but other people probably wouldn't recognize? Like every thing you say, every facial expression you make, every note you write, everything...all of it is just a manufactured production of stuff? What does it mean? Do I mean it?
Know what I'm talking about? No. Okay cool, me neither.
But really. Seeing the Indigo Girls in concert last night helped me come to this realization -- it sounds silly, but being there, I realized that geeking out over my favorite band was the first time I've felt any bit of genuineness in a long while. When I saw Amy Ray walk out on stage, I felt like every part of my being was congruent.
I used to feel that way all the time. I used to feel like my outside matched my inside...a kind of wholeness. Lately, however, I've felt...hmm, what's the word?...slanted, not together, incongruent, like I have a shell that is slipping off and pulling me apart.
I think that over the course of the past three(ish) months, I've lost, as the song goes, something precious. This is definitely true in the "outside world"...and that might be the major reason for these weird feelings....but it freaks me out. The Indigo Girls sing that god'll save you from losing yourself, I hope that's true; but even more than that, I hope that I know what to do to hold on to myself.
I've always preached two philosophies: 1) what's meant to be will find its way 2) everything happens for a reason. I have faith in these words and I know that everything we experience shapes our character and makes us stronger; however, I am questioning whether or not I want to become the person that my experiences are shaping me into. I used to feel comfortable with myself. I felt like I knew where I was going and where I wanted to be. Now, I feel a deep-seated anxiety about these things, I feel like I've lost a piece of my self and I'm afraid that that piece was...an important one.
To conclude on a positive note: I guess it is important to recognize that, as my professor once said, we cannot play "the god trick" -- as humans, we cannot see everything from nowhere -- we are always stuck in our current situation and with such a limited perspective we are forced to take everything so seriously. I know that things change and I know that in a week I will feel differently. I have also been told to work on building something that could be called resilience; I interpret this to mean self-compassion. As hard as it is to comprehend sometimes, we're all just little membranes enclosing a bunch of molecules with a label that says "human." Who knows what they're doing? Anyone?
We don't know our families, we don't need our brothers.
Pushing the needle too far
Pushing the needle too far
If you wake up in the morning, grey dawn,
with a prayer on your breath,
maybe you lost something precious,
god'll save you, from losing yourself.
--Indigo Girls
Do you ever feel like you're acting? Like your actions on the outside are just motions or puppets of an internal source, a genuine being that you know is you but other people probably wouldn't recognize? Like every thing you say, every facial expression you make, every note you write, everything...all of it is just a manufactured production of stuff? What does it mean? Do I mean it?
Know what I'm talking about? No. Okay cool, me neither.
But really. Seeing the Indigo Girls in concert last night helped me come to this realization -- it sounds silly, but being there, I realized that geeking out over my favorite band was the first time I've felt any bit of genuineness in a long while. When I saw Amy Ray walk out on stage, I felt like every part of my being was congruent.
I used to feel that way all the time. I used to feel like my outside matched my inside...a kind of wholeness. Lately, however, I've felt...hmm, what's the word?...slanted, not together, incongruent, like I have a shell that is slipping off and pulling me apart.
I think that over the course of the past three(ish) months, I've lost, as the song goes, something precious. This is definitely true in the "outside world"...and that might be the major reason for these weird feelings....but it freaks me out. The Indigo Girls sing that god'll save you from losing yourself, I hope that's true; but even more than that, I hope that I know what to do to hold on to myself.
I've always preached two philosophies: 1) what's meant to be will find its way 2) everything happens for a reason. I have faith in these words and I know that everything we experience shapes our character and makes us stronger; however, I am questioning whether or not I want to become the person that my experiences are shaping me into. I used to feel comfortable with myself. I felt like I knew where I was going and where I wanted to be. Now, I feel a deep-seated anxiety about these things, I feel like I've lost a piece of my self and I'm afraid that that piece was...an important one.
To conclude on a positive note: I guess it is important to recognize that, as my professor once said, we cannot play "the god trick" -- as humans, we cannot see everything from nowhere -- we are always stuck in our current situation and with such a limited perspective we are forced to take everything so seriously. I know that things change and I know that in a week I will feel differently. I have also been told to work on building something that could be called resilience; I interpret this to mean self-compassion. As hard as it is to comprehend sometimes, we're all just little membranes enclosing a bunch of molecules with a label that says "human." Who knows what they're doing? Anyone?
14.8.11
The wisdom that only time can bring...
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:"
01. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
02. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
03. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
04. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
05. Pay off your credit cards every month.
06. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
07. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
08. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
09. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past, so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness, but you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?".
26. Always choose life.
27 Forgive everyone everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business.
29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
32. Believe in miracles.
33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
35. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
36. Your children get only one childhood.
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
41. The best is yet to come.
42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
43. Yield.
44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
(not sure where 45 went...)
Love it.
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:"
01. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
02. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
03. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
04. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
05. Pay off your credit cards every month.
06. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
07. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
08. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
09. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past, so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness, but you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?".
26. Always choose life.
27 Forgive everyone everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business.
29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
32. Believe in miracles.
33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
35. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
36. Your children get only one childhood.
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
41. The best is yet to come.
42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
43. Yield.
44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
(not sure where 45 went...)
Love it.
29.7.11
moving boxes, memories, and the screams of a terrified child
"Madeline, wanna see this giant spider!?" (I ask my six year old sister this question while holding a covered jar with a spider in it on the way to the front door after catching her crawling around in our bathroom)
"AHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHH!!" (shrieks of complete terror pierce the still of the entire house)
Madeline frequently sits in the driveway picking up ants with her little bug catchers, thinking of these times, I assume she will be excited to see a captured spider. However, it takes me until after some cuddling with mom and soothing words to learn that bugs with 6 legs are alright, but 8 legs...forget about it.
This experience came in the midst of a new beginning. Our living room is filled with boxes and our house is being cleaned out...it's almost moving day. Seven years here, memories accumulate (as does junk...but that's another story). Thinking about the day we moved in, the day we brought baby Madeline home from the hospital, the day of my high school graduation, the day I moved out for college--the number of happy days and the number of sad days...I'd say they just about balance, when all is said and done.
You could say that a house is just a house--wood, brick, paint. But a life is more than just years. I feel fine about the actual move; yet, with some of the other things going on simultaneously, I definitely think this is one of those moments where we grow and stretch ourselves. Everything will work out, it always does. Still, there are always things that weigh--worry, change, adjustment, distance, flooding memories...
Madeline's scream reminds me that at the end of the day, even when the road gets a little bumpy, the most terrifying and unmanageable thing--it might be a spider.
25.6.11
hero in your own hometown...
There's a Mary Chapin Carpenter song that goes:
This world is gonna wear you thin, knot you up and spin you round
This world will take it's aim, call you every name, trying to bring you down
Everything seems so clear when you're looking back from such a distance
When the road not taken disappears into the path of least resistance
The last line caught my ear, when the road not taken disappears into the path of least resistance. I've been thinking a lot lately about how my life is so predictable. I always do what people expect of me, which usually translates into always taking the road most traveled. I think we're all afraid of the unknown--we follow because it's easier, safer, and we never have to feel alone in our actions. The path of least resistance is the path that everyone else takes. It's the one that society approves of and since I never want to disappoint people, it's of course, the one that I always take.
I want my life to be more like a different Mary Chapin Carpenter song. "Cut the deck right in half, I'll play from either side. because I take my chances..."
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